Is Losing Hope for Healing a Problem?

Sometimes women show up to work with me feeling quite hopeless, desperate even. Maybe they’ve tried everything, or at least feel like they have. Maybe they’re tired and not sure where to turn next.

Losing Hope Is Not Something to Bypass

Knowing what I know about the nervous system, I know there is no point in forcing anyone out of this position. It’s actually more than just an emotional state. It’s a feeling state and by that I mean it’s an actual experience in the body that is reflected in the sensations that are present.

I don’t encourage bypassing what the body is actually experiencing, but we can learn to work with it. That’s why losing hope for healing isn’t necessarily a problem to be solved but something to understand and integrate into the process.

What This Can Look Like in the Body

What this looks like is slowing down enough to feel, not just emotionally feel, but feel how the state of hopelessness resonates in the body.

Can you name or notice sensations or body position present when you feel hopeless? For me, it’s a feeling of collapse in my chest.

Can you then find another area in the body that feels distinct from the sensations noticed above? So in my example, if my chest feels collapsed, what part feels steady and grounded. Usually that’s my feet or pelvis.

Hold your awareness with the part that feels in opposition to the sensations of hopelessness. Notice what begins to shift as you do this. The goal is not that the hopelessness goes away but it might, or the sensations associated with it might shift.

If you feel overwhelmed or unsure, pause and look around your environment. Feel your feet or seat.

Remain open and curious to this process and come back to it as needed.

The Pressure to Stay Positive

I’ve watched so many women create pressure cookers for themselves.

The internal dialogue looks like this:

“I need to remain hopeful and keep a positive mindset. But I feel desperate and borderline depressed or defeated every time my period arrives. I have to keep trying.”

It’s a cycle that creates so much nervous system activation and stress and it’s hard to break free from.

Why Support Matters

You often need outside support to get yourself out of this vortex.

It can look like me as the practitioner, mentor or guide, holding hope within myself for others.

When it comes to fertility challenges or pregnancy after loss, there is so much charge around this.

It’s time to free yourself from the guilt cycle around feeling hopeless or desperate.

It’s time to know that conception is possible, naturally.

Turn your grief, desperation or hopelessness into the fertile ground to grow your dream family.